How to Get Unstuck in Life with Merly Amos
In this episode:
Merly Amos, a strong woman of faith and mother of three daughters, joins Christina this week to discuss overcoming feelings of stuckness in life. During the past year of coaching with Christina, Merely has put in some major work to develop a better version of herself that now confidently steps into her purpose and is a light to all in her life.
Christina Lecuyer’s Bio:
Christina Lecuyer is a former Professional Golfer, a three-time reality television competitor, Confidence + Mindset Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Founder of Women with C.L.A.S.S. Mastermind, as well as Decide It’s Your Turn: Women’s Weekend. Christina’s mission in life is to empower people to fully live in their purpose, confidently and successfully!
Merly Amos’s Bio:
Merly Amos is a mother of three young women who is stepping into her purpose of helping others in her community after a year of working on herself with Christina. When her family moved from Jersey to Miami in 2020, she knew she couldn’t run from the inner work that needed to be done.
Resources and Links:
- Christina Lecuyer’s Website: https://christinalecuyer.com/
- Schedule a Discover Call with Christina: https://calendly.com/bechristina/60min?
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Full Episode Transcript:
Christina: Okay, you all, we are back to the Decide It’s Your Turn podcast and I’m unbelievably excited today. I just hit ‘record’ and as you can tell, my girl and I were just chatting away. I am so excited to have you today here, Merly.
Merly: I am so excited. Thank you for having me.
Christina: Oh my gosh. So Merly is a good client of mine and we were having a Voxer conversation.
So my clients communicate with me. My coaching is more of like, I’d call it an athletic experience where I actually know my people like 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. And we were going back and forth on Voxer and Merly was just dropping these unbelievable points of how she has truly used our time together and worked on herself so much in the last year to get unstuck from her life, basically. And I was like, um, hi, well, can you record a podcast with me?
Merly: I said, Oh, my God. She just asked me to record a podcast with you. And then I said, hell yes!
Christina: So excited because so many of our coaching calls could truly be podcasts because I think that this is the reason why people tune into this podcast to help decide it’s their turn in life.
And for you, that you’ve just had so many shifts over the last year. I loved it on our call. So we were actually doing one of our coaching sessions right before I hit record and literally one of the things that you said, I actually wrote it down.
You said I would absolutely rock, we’re not going to swear in this podcast so her kids can listen to it, but I would absolutely rock the **it out of COVID this past year. And I one hundred percent believe that about you. You would have crushed COVID.
Merly: I would have crushed COVID if it came right now.
Christina: Exactly because you have done so much work and yourself, and that is obviously all of the things that we’re going to talk about today, because I always do these podcasts because I want people to literally walk away knowing that they can decide it is their turn to make a shift in their life and change their life.
And it’s super interesting because one of the things that you said when we were going back and forth on Voxer was you literally, what did you say? You literally said something along the lines of, no, anyone can change their life at any moment. They really can. So tell me, tell me a little bit about that. Like how that came up for you.
Merly: I think that I spent my whole life waiting to get there and checking off the boxes. You know, you get married, you have kids, I moved a few times. I’m now in Miami. And I think that you’re always, as a woman especially, and especially becoming a mom, it feels like you’re always waiting.
Even with my weight, I’m always waiting to get there and then I realized, you know what? There is no “there”, why am I always waiting to get there because we’re seeking the relief, confidence, the happiness at the end of the journey. And I realized through my growth that I get to seek relief right now through my thinking.
And I think that we’re always looking to change something, whether it’s changing where you live, changing your job, changing your physical appearance, changing your husband. We’re always looking to change something, but it’s really our perspective on our current life that needs to change. And you know what?
We have the power to do that because in an instant I can decide to seek relief right now. I could decide to be confident and happy, and it goes back to really deciding. And I told you once, decisions are like oxygen for me. I was always living in the middle, always indecisive.
What should I do? Who should I be? Where should I go? And I found that when I just decided with my faith in God and with my action, things just happen the way they’re supposed to be. I always tell myself, what’s on my to-do list and what’s on God’s to-do list? And that truly takes me out of anxiety and those feelings where I’m able to really decide and enjoy the process.
We all want to get there, but we don’t want the process. And I think especially this year, me saying I’m going to enjoy the ride and I want the process has, it’s taken me ups and downs, but overall it’s really just some riding the wave.
Christina: Oh, I’m so proud of you literally. I’m so proud of you. And Merly, this is her first podcast and she’s like, is everyone this nervous? I’m like, yeah, we’re all nervous. And we’re stepping in taking action, right? I’m so proud of you.
Merly: Oh yes. I said, you know what? Fear and self-doubt can come, but they’re not going to drive anymore.
Merly: Sometimes I get stuck in fear and I get stuck. I literally get paralyzed in fear and self-doubt and I dropped down into who I’ve always been and working with you, I just realized, and it took me a while. It took me ups and downs, and I just realized it’s just part of the journey. But I’m going to be the driver. I’m in the driver’s seat.
Christina: Yes. It’s so, so true. Like one thing that you said, just even on our last coaching call, right before we hit record on this. So we did our coaching call before this, and now we’re doing the podcast, but the reason why this podcast is actually here is because of so many of the Voxer messages that we were going back and forth on.
And even something that you just said right now, you’re like, I, a hundred am taking action. I am being a different person. I’m showing up as different actions right now. Even if I have no idea why, even if I’m super scared, but I have to take different actions than I’ve already had.
And for you, I a hundred percent believe one of the things that you keep saying, and I’m so thankful that you told me this. Because sometimes even myself, when I’m in the business, I definitely know how to help everyone but sometimes the clarity of speaking it from a client’s mind.
So, if you’re listening to the podcast, I’m sure there’s going to be a thousand times like, oh my God, that’s me. Oh my God, that’s me moments because you are the client, you are on the other side. And I think that one thing that you say is like, so many people will listen to this podcast today and be like, lit the hell up.
And they’re going to get this adrenaline pump and they’re going to walk away and they’re like, oh my God. Yes, all the things and read all the books and done all the things. But the big movement for you has been the action.
Merly: Well, yeah, so I guess when I began this journey of self discovery and self development, I was that passive listener. And I would get my dopamine hit from the podcast. I think that a lot of people don’t really discuss that as part of the journey where you’re like, yes, that sounds so good. That’s me, that’s me. But then you close the podcast, you close the book and you go back to your life and you don’t apply those little things that you can implement.
Well, for some people it feels so large for them to do. When somebody tells you to have this morning routine and not everybody has the luxury of an hour morning routine or 40 minutes. And I think even in the past year, we all realize that. And it took me a while to understand that I can just decide how I’m going to think about today.
And whatever comes at me at the moment, I get to choose. Is this going to define my day? Is this going to be a great day? There were times where I woke up and I’m like, ugh, just another day. And then in that moment, now I catch myself and I’m like, wait a second. There’s so much good that’s happening to me today.
I might have a to-do list a mile long, but I also get to be in my day now. And for so long, what defined me was what I was doing. And with the past year I flipped it and it’s like, the doing versus the being. For me, I was never able to just be, it was always what I do, autopilot, the distraction, onto the next bit, keeping busy and I never felt my feelings.
It’s just, I have a vice and I would numb the feelings or I would just tell myself, be strong. And now I actually taught myself to feel the feelings and when you choose to feel, you don’t need to run away from yourself
Christina: Oh, that is so good. So there’s so many people out there listening and it doesn’t matter what your vice is, whether your vice is like, quote unquote, a healthy vice.
I mean, how many people do you know that run or work out or do whatever to escape the feeling, whether that’s food, alcohol, drugs, whatever. There’s so many people that choose something to numb their feelings so they don’t actually have to be in the feeling so they don’t actually have to change the thing that’s actually happening.
And that was such an aha moment for you. During our sessions and things like that..My social media handle is @BeChristina because every single day, my job is to be Christina, not do Christina, not listen to everything else that everyone else has to say, not should Christina, but be Christina.
So how does that show up today? How does that look today? And don’t get me wrong, in the beginning of my journey as well, being was like the hardest thing ever. How many people are out there listening right now? They’re like, oh my God, you want me to be still and be with my thoughts. Hell no.
Merly: You know what? That is the biggest gift you can give yourself because being with yourself, all the answers lie there in the stillness, all in that present moment is truly real. Life is meant to be lived. And you know what I think the big realization was that I don’t need to change anything.
I have an amazing life and all I need to do is change my perspective. And in that little shift of perspective, it’s really you that’s in control of that, which really gives you the authority on your life. I mean, how amazing is that? It’s inside of you. You just need to hear it. You just need to be still enough to listen.
It’s scary as hell, but let me tell you on the other side of it, it’s worth it.
Christina: And I want everyone to understand too, that we’ve only been working together not even a year and that you did take some time off, went somewhere else and then decided that we were going to come back and start this journey.
Because I do think that that’s something that a lot of people do. It’s like, okay, cool. I’ve done this. Let me go onto the next thing. Okay, cool. I’ve done this and I’m onto the next thing. Then I’ll start this and then I’ll do that. And you know, maybe I’m ready to do a business. And I remember when you came back, you’re like, nope. I am doing the work on me before anything else happens.
And I will tell you, you have been doing so much work on yourself that the breadcrumbs are starting to reveal themselves so heavily right now. And like, I know that’s scary to think about, but you already know inside of you because it’s been inside of you forever that that is a hundred percent true.
And so now it’s just building the foundation for you to continue to grow your confidence to really step into that God-given purpose. And I do think that it’s already in you. And so you have to create the space in the beginning in order to really kind of be still and be willing to be in the crap of it all because you know, in the beginning it just feels so hard.
Merly: It feels hard, but also you have to try new things, you know, you’re be Christina. So what works for Christina is not going to work for Merly. So I have to be Merly. My life doesn’t really create the structure and the consistency that I would love it to create right now. I’m in that season, but you know what I get to be me.
So that is I think the glory of the journey is that it’s my journey. And you can find what works for you. And it’s just keep trying without judgment. It’s like having awareness, but at the same time, detaching from the judgment.
Christina: Mm, I love that so much. And it’s so true. So in the last year, where have the biggest shifts come from for you and what action items of shifts have really become apparent?
Like what do you really do? And again, this is for being Merly, but take from it whatever you feel like is best for you, but what shifts have really been apparent to you that have been making these dramatic differences?
Merly: I think the biggest shift was when my family and I chose to move to Miami and I had a great life in Jersey and COVID hit and it was just. It felt right. I said, I’m going to follow my guts. And then I’m already thinking that I am healed and then you come here and you realize, wait a second. You know, it comes with a whole lot of stressors and boundaries with people and I’m in this amazing place. And I look out my window and I’m like, why don’t I feel amazing?
And the biggest shift over there was okay, I got to choose to change my perspective and I’m going to keep going. And the biggest action item I took was really starting to decide how I’m going to wake up. I really started to journal more and be more in touch with what is going on.
The reality of it. It’s all great when I’m home, but how do I adapt it to my life? And I started to do that inner work of really just balancing who I am to who people think. And it wasn’t easy, but so worth it. So the biggest action item I would say that I took was I kept going. I mean, I know that’s not maybe the answer, but I just truly kept going. I would drop down. I would drop back up. I just kept going.
Christina: Oh, I’m so proud of you for that too, because yeah. So we did my traditional six month contract, we did our full coaching and then you actually came to one of my retreats and just had so many beautiful moments and then decided to kind of do a different thing and then came back and said, you know what? I’m not going to quit this time. I’m going to actually do the real work.
And I was so proud of you at that moment. Not only because I just adore you so much and I’m so glad that we’re still connected, but also because I was so proud of you for understanding that this is a journey, this is a process. This is a lifelong thing.
We’re all going to go through these highs and lows. I’ve said it a thousand times, I’ll say it a thousand times again. I’m always going to have a coach. I’m always going to have that sounding board, because I want to continue to grow and evolve. And we all have these upper limiting beliefs.
We all have these moments where we’re like, oh crap, can we actually do that? Or whatever it is. And I think it’s important to mention that, you know, one year ago, you haven’t done the thing that you said that you wanted to do, which was, and I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you wanted to lose like 30 pounds or you had put on 30 pounds during COVID.
So you’re actually 30 pounds heavier now than when you were in the beginning of COVID. And I point that out because you’re still absolutely stunning, obviously, but I say this because I don’t want anyone to think that, okay. She’s now lost the 30 pounds and that’s the reason why she’s saying this, or she has the money and that’s why she’s saying this, or she has the job and that’s why she’s saying this.
She’s actually saying this at a point in time where it actually got like, like weight-wise, it’s actually gone the opposite direction, but I love what you just said on our coaching call, which is you’ve always taken the hard and sustainable road for your family, but you never took the hard and sustainable work for yourself. You always took the easy road for yourself and this time is different. Talk about that.
Merly: Okay. So yes, I’m on that journey now and I’ve always known how day one, a hundred percent. And I always take the easy road in the beginning, but then it just goes back to where I started. And this time I said with myself and my journeys, I’m going to take the easy road because at the end of the easy road, I’ll be riding that wave. It’ll just, I’ll be driving by easily for the rest of my life.
Christina: And you’re gonna take the hard road this time.
Merly: Currently I’m taking the hard road to start and then down the road, it’s going to be easy. I kind of associate it with pain and pleasure. I want that instant gratification right now, but then there’s going to be long-term payments attached to that.
So now that I’m delaying gratification, I know that I will have long-term pleasure while I’ve just taken the pain and the pleasure, and I flipped it. Do I want to feel the pain now? You know, so that’s what I’ve kind of done.
Christina: But I love that because it’s super true. We now live like, think about everything. You messaged me right before our call. You were like three minutes late to our call and she’s like, I’m coming, I’m coming! And I was like, it’s okay. But that’s the world that we live in where if our computer doesn’t boot in three minutes, the world has come to a crashing halt, like it’s supposed to boot in two point two three seconds. Right.
And that’s exactly the thing is like, sometimes you have to wait. I don’t know where I heard it, but I heard someone say, when we were kids and we wanted, I don’t know, a video game or whatever it is.
We’d have to save our money and we’d have to save our allowance. We’d have to do all those things. Now when kids don’t get something within one day, they’re like, what is going on?
Well, that is that instant gratification world that we live in. And yes, there’s beautiful parts to our world now, but there’s also a lot of really crappy things because the journey, like you and I are talking about, is oftentimes like the best part, working the summer job in order to save up to get XYZ.
I remember I bought my first car and I promise you that crappy Chevy Tracker that would cost me like $6,000, you might as well ship me a Range Rover. That’s how cool I felt when I bought that car. But had it been an instant gratification, I probably wouldn’t have loved it as much.
Merly: I think now it’s a lot about self-control, the more self-control we have, it’s just, everything is so instant now that I truly am teaching my children how to delay gratification.
And I think that is the best lesson that I could teach them. And also, it’s funny, you said that about, it’s funny you’re bringing this up because I realized that in order to be successful, I have to be a hundred percent perfect perfectionist.
It has to go perfect. My day has to go perfect. My life has to go perfect. My boss has to be perfect. It all has to line up for me to show up.
And my biggest aha moment the past couple of weeks was success isn’t about mastery. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about how you show up in the 80/20. How I show up in the 20% of my life when things get hard, when they’re stressed, when there’s anxiety, how I show up in those unexpected things of life, how I show up in those will define if I am successful or not.
Christina: Oh, yes. I love it so, so much. I’m all over that because, you know, I think something that you said when I was listening to the Voxer and us going back and forth, I was just listening to it.
Again, this is how Merly and I communicate in between calls. She sends me messages and she was telling me all these things about like this aha moment that she was having and something like you said that I think was really, really important.
You were talking about how you’re now making decisions, because right now I think one of the things that you have talked about is like you’re now making immediate decisions on something and you’re trusting yourself enough to make more decisions. And that is obviously a testament to the fact that your confidence is going through the roof because you’re willing now to actually trust yourself.
And before it was like, you were so afraid of making the wrong decision and, you know, decision fatigue is an absolute real thing. And so when you’re making fast decisions now and knowing that you can trust yourself to show up on either side, I think it’s been game changing.
Merly: Truly a game changer is the decision-making and the best part of it is, I am making the decision. I was never able to make decisions.
I always looked for outside validation, outside approval. What do you think, what do you think? What do you think? And all that time I knew, I always knew.
I’m currently helping a girl in her twenties and I keep telling her, you know! You know. I wish I had someone when I was in my twenties to tell me that I know the answer and that’s where I come back to being still.
I find myself when I don’t want to hear the answer or I don’t want to be with myself, now I grabbed the phone and I’m scrolling social media and that’s also a distraction or even for me, a form of self-sabotage.
Because I’m tapping into that moment that I find myself grabbing the phone, I’m finding myself, I go, wait a second. What’s going on here? And I’m tapping into a belief that I don’t want to believe or I don’t want to feel. And then I put my phone on the side and I say, okay, what am I avoiding feeling right now? And I just find that when you let the feelings pass through you, the answers come to you.
Christina: Oh my gosh, my drum moment. I really hope that people take that quote, post it, tag me, tag the podcast, tag Merly. I think that that’s so true because one of the habits that was not even a habit, but just in everyone’s family, we all have things that were completely normal.
And in your family, it was like you had for all of the right reasons back then, because of things that were happening in your family and with your mom and life in general, there were situations that happened, where you had to be very strong and that was how she survived.
Your mom survived by being extremely strong in the moment. And by just saying, we are going to get through this, we are going to be tough and she thrived by doing that.
But also too, every time we do one thing, there’s obviously a counterbalance to that. And so your counterbalance in your life has been to push down feelings because the only feeling you’re really allowed to have in life is the feeling of, I am strong. I can handle this. I’ve got it all. But the reason why you and I are working together is because guess what? That doesn’t work well forever. That’s the reason why I got help and coaching and masterminds, the therapy and all the things is because at one point in time, that shit that was serving you for a purpose and a reason is no longer serving you.
Merly: So true. And, you know, I tap into my strength all the time, but that’s the only feeling that I was, you know, able to feel, was my strength. And last year when things were just turned upside down, it was like strength was not getting you through it. And all these feelings of anxiety and fear would come up, but then there’s no distractions, and I didn’t have the gym. There was no school. Everybody was home. And work was really non-existent. And we’re all together. And then all these feelings came up and it was like, how do you process this? How do you feel? And then that is when I truly had to tap into my core value, which is my faith.
And I was able to be like, this is anxiety and this is fear. But at the end of the day, I trust that there’s something bigger on the other end of this. And, you know, that is truly when I even started investing in myself more because I wasn’t going to let that time define me. And it kind of brought everything to the surface where now I feel like I’m on my way to truly, you know, on that healing journey.
Christina: Yeah, to being Merly, to being the amazing human that you really are. And this is also a big deal for you as a mom of three girls. This is a big deal for you too, because, like you and I were talking about on one of our calls and this isn’t my line. This is an Amy Ledeen line. I don’t know where she got it from, but habits are not taught. They’re caught.
And I think that, like one of the cool things about you shifting so much in your life is that as amazing of a family that you have, there’s certain habits that perhaps you want to instill a little bit differently, allowing your daughters to know that they can have feelings and they don’t have to like push them down and you don’t always have to be strong.
And I think now you showing up as a different version of yourself has just been such a beautiful blessing to your girls to show them that yeah, we can change and we can do things differently.
Merly: My kids, I’m trying to show them that you are responsible for your actions and your choices and your choices today can affect you for the future.
And also how other people think of you or what they say to you has nothing to do with you. It’s their opinion. It’s their thought bubble. You get to decide how you think about yourself.
Don’t take their opinion and make it who you are. You stay true to you. And I think, I get emotional talking about it because it’s so easy for them to think that they are what someone is saying to them, good or bad. I’m creating these rock solid girls that they feel, and maybe they’re told that they’re sensitive, but I’m like own that because that makes, that will make you a great mom. That would make you a great nurturer. A teacher, a doctor, they have to be sensitive. So I think that taking what was once perceived as a negative character and allowing my children to be who they are and enhancing that. I think that has been the biggest shift.
Christina: Oh, I love it so, so much. One thing that I think that you’re doing right now, like we say, we want to be versus do, but I think that the thing that you’re actually doing right now, which is actually doing it, that’s really where your work has come in the last however many months or year or whatever it is, wherever it’s been is you’re actually doing things now and catching yourself slipping into old habits.
And then you also are using me, which is exactly the place for it, as the sounding board for all of the feelings and the emotions and the hard moments that come up when we are trying to change lifelong patterns into your late thirties. I mean, we’ve created these patterns and habits that we now know a lot of them serve us, but not all of them are serving us and we’ve got to change those. And I think the thing is that I love. I love the fact that you just said, you said earlier when we were talking, you said you cannot be a passive listener in your life. You have to be an action taker.
Merly: You don’t have to live on autopilot. You don’t have to just be what’s expected of you, but then you go to bed and you’re like, this is it? Like you look around and you’re like, this is it? You’re not feeling fulfilled. I think that you don’t have to be in the box. You can still enjoy your life, be fulfilled in it. And I think that was working with you, even what you just said, like, I couldn’t get on the Zoom today. I was like, oh, one second, like deep breath. And I said, okay, great, this is happening for me. That means the podcast. And this call is going to be epic because I always say blessings come from the back door.
Christina: Oh, that’s so good. I love that.
Merly: You also truly, always bring me back to my faith. Because you keep reminding me it’s so easy to get away from it and you keep reminding me, you have such a strong faith and trust and just trust. So it’s a lot of you and my ear keeps reminding me. And then it’s like, you know, I truly do borrow parts of you that I’m weak in currently. Where I’m like, oh great. I’m gonna make today amazing. This is happening for me right now. Not to me. And it’s kind of like I’m telling you, your perspective could be your power or your prison.
Christina: Mm oh, that is so good. That’s so good. No, but it’s so true.
Merly: To help me take that push, you know, I Voxer you in that moment. Sometimes I need that outside perspective to bring me back to the moment, I really, when I had that Voxer, not able to be like Christina, I need your perspective on this. And then you Voxer me back and you’re like, be you, you know, it’s all I need to hear.
Christina: Yes. Oh my God. Yes. That’s so true. But that’s the reason why I use my coach as well. I think oftentimes in life, whether you’re showing up for business, or you’re showing up for confidence or changing patterns or doing whatever it is, you need that external perspective because when you’re in it, it is so hard.
Like when I just needed to tell you, oh yeah, by the way, you’re an absolute rock star. You’re going to walk in there and people are thrilled to death that you’re actually there because they are so lucky to have you blessing their party. It was like that moment where you’re like, Oh, yeah, she’s right.
I know you’re laughing, but it’s so true. They were very lucky to have you there. And it was that shift of you just needed that moment. I love what you said is that you borrowed a bit of my confidence in that moment and you borrowed a bit of that. And I think that’s really what a lot of good coaches do for you is you borrow the bits and pieces that you’re not as strong in.
There are a lot of things that you’re a lot stronger than I am at, but for what you need right now in this season of your life, I have a little bit that you can borrow from me in the meantime until yours grows in strength.
Merly: And it’s also accepting that not every day is going to be great, but we’re taking the good days and we’re maximizing them. There’s more good days now than before.
And you could define bad, but you’re taking that and that now the better days are becoming more and more versus when I started working with you, I was just like, oh my gosh, I’m a mess. But no, I said I have all this knowledge and I don’t know what to do and I’m not implementing.
Christina: And you know, that’s why you paid. That’s why there’s accountability. When you pay, you pay attention, I’ve said it a thousand times. You know that the stuff that I’m going to give you in one day, it doesn’t matter if it’s my mastermind clients, it doesn’t matter if it’s when I coach one-on-one clients, whatever it is, there is going to be some accountability.
And when you have skin in the game, you start showing up for that. I say it all the time. I pay my coach an astronomical amount of money when she gives me an action item, guess what? That shit’s going to happen, because I know that I’m showing up to that, right? For sure.
And it matters. It’s an investment in yourself. We were talking about this even before we turned on the mic. How people look at putting an expense in coaching or therapy or whatever the heck it is. I’m like, no, no, no. That is an investment in your life. You have such a short period on this planet, especially when you think about the time that you have with your kids right now, that’s just such a short time. They’re getting older and you want to maximize that time and why wouldn’t you invest to make sure you’re showing up as the best for yourself when your kids are so little.
Merly: I find that it’s also an investment in my future self, a future version of me. That is the biggest thing because the person I was a year ago, it was not the person I am today.
Christina: Oh heck no. And that I think is a valuable resource to have a coach as well is because like, my coach does the same thing as me. Do you remember how you would have showed up to yourself, even before the COVID thing, you’re like, oh shoot, man. I would have crushed COVID if it would have started right now, as opposed to when COVID first went down and you’re like, I can’t do this.
And I said that in the beginning of COVID like a thousand times, I was like, oh, thank you, Jesus that I did the work on myself before COVID.
Merly: But, you know, I was in the middle, but it was truly a blessing.
Christina: Oh, COVID was the biggest blessing for so many people. We’re not taking away what, like all you judgy people out there. We’re not taking away anything that was bad, but oh no, don’t worry.
I will preface it. We’re not taking away anything that was bad for some people. But if you had the perspective that you were going to make COVID like you’re BITCH for the rest of 2020 and 2021, then you had a much better outlook on making that a reality because you just decided it to be. I said that from day one of COVID, I was like, I am deciding that this is the best season of my life and it turned out to be really damn good to be honest with you.
Kind of going back to what you were saying though, too, is taking the perspective of you are just investing in your future. You’re investing in yourself, you’re investing in your kids. You’re investing in the future self of you. You have made such an impact on so many people around you.
And that’s like one of my jobs as your coach to show you who you’re actually now showing up as, and that’s a big big deal because I think when you’re in it, you’re just like, oh, well I’m just me. But I’ve said it a thousand times, I believe every single person has a purpose and that purpose is your responsibility to live that out fully.
And now I see the impact that you’re not only making in your kids, but in your strong community, you’re a part of a fantastic Jewish community down in Miami and up in Jersey. And you have made a massive impact on those people, whether you understand it or not.
Merly: Yes. I do talk to many twenty year olds and I really try to give them a sounding board or even just more than that.
I’m not judging their decisions and I’ll never tell them what to do, but kind of like a little guidance, like what you do for me, where you know what, I’m just a couple of steps ahead of you. And it’s so much harder for them with social media and comparison and their worthiness and the opinion of others and people telling them what to do.
And for them to call me and say, what do you think? And I take away the judgment of whatever they’re going through and I just guide them. And then I tell eventually I get to the point where I tell them, you know, you know, and they’re like, no, we don’t. And I said, yes, you do. Decide.
Christina: That’s the whole purpose of this whole podcast was to say that at the end of the day, like how do you get yourself unstuck?
Whether you’re our age, whether you’re in their sixties, whether you’re in your twenties, you get yourself unstuck by doing the work and you already know 100%. You already know what is the right decision for you is in you. If you can be still and learn how to trust yourself and gain that confidence in yourself, like, is that not just the whole thing?
Merly: They are so detached from themselves, so detached. Which is okay. I tell them it’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you have to be detached because they come to me and they say, this one says this but it doesn’t feel right. And I say sometimes in life you don’t have to go by your feelings. Sometimes you have to use logic over emotion, and sometimes your feelings will drive.
So it’s a lot of back and forth of logic over emotion, emotion over logic. That’s what I find in that age group that they don’t know how to balance the two where a lot of it, they’re just letting feelings drive without the consequences also of their actions.
I always say things lead to things. Things lead to things. It can go both ways. And just me helping them put things into perspective is letting them have a different outlook, whether they’re dating “in the wrong crowd,” using drugs, just like all these things that they’re facing, being accepted, being worthy of love. So, you know, if I can help one girl, it just really lights me up.
Christina: Oh, and that is so in your purpose, that is so in your purpose, which we’ve been talking about over and over and over again on our calls, but you are stepping into that fully and it took that God whisper to kind of listen to yourself and learn how to just be.
And now you’re using what you’ve done for yourself in order to serve others. You and I are both two people of faith who believe so heavily that we’re all here for a purpose and a reason, God is number one. And that’s exactly what you’re doing. He instilled that in you and you are now doing the work to now serve others with your beautiful life.
That is the purpose of all of this. I don’t care if we’re talking about business, I don’t care if we’re talking about whatever. This is business, life, all of the things. At the end of the day, if you are using your life or your business to serve others. Oh my gosh. It’s all gravy after that.
That’s why it’s easy for me. This is why my business is easy because it’s like, oh, this is easy. This is me serving others. Okay. Of course I’m going to be rewarded.
Merly: And it’s so easy because you’re so in alignment and I, as a client, feed off your energy, I borrow your energy. Just having you in my life is already pushing me in the direction that I truly want to go.
It’s like, even after our first call, I was like so many things are coming to me, such abundance, such opportunities. But maybe they were there all along but I never had the lens to view them because I was always in avoidance or just a different vibration.
Well, I think that the second you elevate yourself, God sends you those signs. God sends you those moments. The clarity, I think it’s clarity. That’s what’s sad because you know, you could see something, but then you don’t see something until you see something.
Christina: That’s so good. But I also think too, it’s like that whole thing of trusting yourself. I think most people have that still, small voice inside themselves.
So right now I’m launching my mastermind and filling up my mastermind and I get on calls with so many people and they’ll tell me they 100% know that is exactly the thing that they need to be doing.
But it’s almost like getting to that point where you really honestly have to step outside of yourself and you have to have that blind faith now in God, source, universe, whatever you believe.
But there has to be some faith there that, no matter what, you’re going to figure it out. And I think the reason why this has been so helpful for you is like, it’s not like this was a super easy decision for you or all the things. Not at all, but I think you had finally told God enough times that I want something different and you finally trusted just a pinch.
That’s what I say. You borrowed my confidence in me that this was going to work, even if you only had a pinch. I had enough for both of us at the beginning. And I think that that’s where people don’t understand is the people who really say they want something different.
All of the people that I’m talking to for this next mastermind, I’m like you say you want something different. You don’t have to believe a hundred percent. You just have to believe 1%. You can borrow my 99%.
Merly: Believe 1% and then take action. The best decisions, I made them with self doubt. And it turns out amazing.
Christina: Well, it’s a small, still voice.
Merly: it’s like going on your retreat. That was a very difficult decision, but I was like, nope, deciding I’m in and then I really truly made some of my best friends right now where I’m able to have these like-minded conversations because you know, you’re up here changing or growing and evolving, but everyone else in your life is still who they are. They’re not changing and you’re expecting that.
I think also another shift is that I’ve changed. Listen to what I have to say! No, it does not happen like that. No one is changing. Everything remains the same. And that’s also a part of I had to also work through is that, but you know, I’m up here now. It’s like, no. Okay.
So instead of dropping down to who I used to be, learning to just show up as this best version and take them along for the ride.
Christina: Oh my gosh. Okay. That goes back to exactly what we were talking about under your coaching call today, where I said you need to stand up and be exactly who you are now.
You know what I’m talking about, but that is like a hundred percent it, is like you are on this vibration now, and now you just have to show up as that.
Everyone else may not understand it in the beginning, but you dropping back down to an old version to appease others is actually not what’s comfortable.
That is actually a part of it. And that’s the reason why you do have this tribe around you. That is the reason why you do have me. So when the fear and anxiety of going, oh, is this even worth it? I should probably drop back down to who I was. That is how you don’t do it. And then you start showing up as that version of yourself.
And people start to understand that like, dang. She’s not the same person. And that scares a lot of people, it doesn’t matter where you are on your journey. That’s a scary situation for a lot of people if they don’t understand it, but how do they come to understand, or as Nathan always said, because I get this question all the time, as people say, well, how did you deal with her changing?
And he’s like, in the beginning, I was like, put your money where your mouth is kind of situation, which I did. And then that’s when he had to have the come to Jesus moment where it was like, oh, I now have to either do some work on myself or this is probably not going to go well, I can’t blame her for changing and becoming a better version of herself. I better step up to the plate and become a better version of myself as well.
Merly: When you take the pressure off the people around you, yes. They don’t pay, you know, especially with my husband. I always tell myself, don’t parent your partner. He’s on his life, he’s on his journey, I’m on mine.
It’s great. So that was the big thing. I actually love that. Mm, you become a partner versus trying to change someone and trying to parent them and telling them what to do. You don’t want to create that resistance. So, you know, just flow with it.
Christina: I love it. I love it. So today was all about how to get unstuck. We have talked about so many things. I’m so unbelievably humbled that you are a client of mine. I’m so grateful that you’re a good friend of mine. I’m so proud of all of the work that you’ve done. I know that you have massive, beautiful, great, epic, amazing things in store. I’m just super grateful for you sharing your story. And I know that this is going to impact so many people.
Merly: Thank you so much for having me. It’s great.
Christina: Love that. Love you. Bye.