How My Husband Has Dealt with My B******t
In this episode:
Alright y’all asked for more Nathan – so here is more Nathan! In this episode, Christina interviews her husband, Nathan Salter, on how he pivoted early on from a pre-med path to running and growing his family business, his money mindset that has changed how Christina sees cash and much, much more! Tune into this episode for some tangible takeaways that you can apply to your own business and relationships.
Christina Lecuyer’s Bio:
Christina Lecuyer is a former Professional Golfer, a three-time reality television competitor, Confidence + Mindset Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Founder of Women with C.L.A.S.S. Mastermind, as well as Decide It’s Your Turn: Women’s Weekend. Christina’s mission in life is to empower people to fully live in their purpose, confidently and successfully!
Resources and Links:
- Christina Lecuyer’s Website: https://christinalecuyer.com/
- Follow Us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bechristina/
- Find Us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bechristinaa
- Looking for Our Tweets?: https://twitter.com/bechristinaa
- View More Content on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6LYaHUVwD9kkepqf1Zfcyg
- Hashtags: #justbe #livealifeyoulove
- Follow Nathan on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jnsalter1
- Check out Nathan’s construction business: https://salterconst.com/
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating on iTunes and leave us a comment about what you’d like us to talk about that will help you realize that at any moment, any day, you too can decide, it’s your turn!
Full Episode Transcript:
Christina: Y’all welcome back to the Decide It’s Your Turn podcast. I’m so excited for today’s guest. It is the amazing Nathan Salter, who just happens to be my husband.
He’s over there doing jumping jacks in the corner, getting ready for this whole thing. I told them, “Hey babe, you can’t be loud. You can’t make any noises.”
So he’s like, “Maybe I should take my clothes off and not make any noises whatsoever. Don’t blink, don’t blink. Don’t blink.”
So needless to say, he is one of the fan favorites on my Instagram stories, every single day. I always ask the question, what do you want to see more of? And how can I serve you more?
And it happens to be that 50% of the suggestions come back as more Nathan. So we figured we might as well do another podcast for you.
Hi babe. Good morning. Happy Saturday. How are you this morning?
Nathan: I’m good. How are you this morning?
Christina: Oh my gosh. You’re being so funny. Okay. No, but seriously you guys, one of the reasons why we wanted to jump on this, because there’s so many questions about Nathan, about what he does and where he came from and what he’s passionate about.
I asked the story on my social media. What do you want to know about him? And the questions came piling in and one of them was, what is your favorite color, babe? Let’s start there. What is your favorite color?
Nathan: So hands down, my favorite color is red. Red is the color of a couple of our businesses. We use ‘em in our logos. We have, I can’t tell you how many red trucks that are running all over the country. I have a beautiful collector’s edition red Corvette that my wonderful wife bought me for my 40th birthday. So red is by far my favorite color.
Christina: Well, you know what? That is actually a really good segue to jump into what it is that you do.
You have a bunch of red trucks, and you said that you have a couple businesses and quite often my clients actually know what you do.
You’re in the construction industry, real estate development, but I’d love to know how did you get into that, babe? Because most people don’t realize that you definitely did not come from a collector’s edition Corvette lifestyle.
So you want to give us a little insight of how you got to where you are now having a Corvette collector’s edition and numerous companies?
Nathan: I will, but I want to start off with what you and I talked about last night because I don’t ever want my words about my past to be misconstrued.
I think you look at things and you hear about things and I think people try to exaggerate a little bit how they came to this rags to riches story or something silly like that.
So that’s why I have probably not been really excited to talk with you about that because I would never want me telling my story to go to my parents or anyone in my family.
And then they call bullshit on it. Or I hurt someone’s feelings because if I talk about where I came from to where I am today in no form or fashion and am I trying to make it like, “Oh, I came from nothing and now I’ve made it into something.” I mean, long period of time, hard work, all the things that it takes to get there, but in no way did I have a horrible childhood or a hard life or anything like that.
I’ve got wonderful parents that like everyone’s parents, they aren’t perfect, but they did the best that they can or they could as we were growing up. I come from a long line of entrepreneurs. I would say our business ownership started with my grandfather, who I really attribute my work ethic to.
So I worked side-by-side with him for many years. He was a master plumber by trade. So he started a business, left a company he was working for. I don’t really remember the exact year off the top of my head. It was in the sixties. He started his own business. My father and his two brothers and even his sister worked in that business for many years.
It still operates today. I’m actually a journeyman plumber myself by trade. So it started off in the plumbing industry. My father and one of my uncles spun off from that. Honestly, they couldn’t get along. Family business is very tough. And so that spun off, my father started the business that I’m the president of.
It’ll be 44 years now, 45 years as of August of this year. So we’ve been in the construction industry for many years. That’s the business that I’m responsible for.
Gosh, I can go back a long way.
He started that business. I went to school in Conway High School. My parents pushed me like most. I was the first person in my family, mother or father’s side, that actually went to college. So they were really excited. You know, “You need to go to college, you need to get this degree. You don’t need to be a plumber. You don’t need to be in construction.” I mean, those industries probably not as much today, but definitely then, I think we’re looked down on, especially like the plumbing trade, and still kind of is looked down on. I think a little bit even today, but that’s changing.
So they pushed me to go to school. I was pre-med, went to the University of Arkansas, gosh, for about three years. My uncle who was running the family plumbing business at that time passed away unexpectedly at the age of 39. His best friend was his doctor and who was kind of mentoring me.
I was doing some internships at his medical practice through school. And once that happened, I just pivoted. I said, I could never live through what my uncle’s friend was living through. I could never, I just decided, man, I couldn’t deal with people dying. I just realized that in my head, I couldn’t do that.
So I moved back to Conway probably the next semester. I started working full time in the plumbing business. Our family was struggling a little bit with what to do with it. My grandfather had retired, my uncle was running that business. So I moved back, went to UCA, changed majors to business management and then did early morning classes, late evening classes, working 40 plus hours a week and going to school.
Christina: Okay. Cool. So as everyone knows, this podcast is about deciding. Deciding it is your turn. There’s so much there. Definitely, a hundred percent, just because you come from nothing doesn’t mean it was a bad childhood, but absolutely the fact that you didn’t come from much and you had to make a lot of decisions in order to change that, up until when you were deciding to basically leave the University of Arkansas, leaving what you thought was going to be the medical industry.
What was that decision and how hard was it to make the decision to leave pre-med and come back and help your family?
Nathan: It was very difficult because especially that age, and I know people struggle with it at all ages, you get a lot of your worth from the expectations of others, especially your parents.
So if your parents have this expectation, I’m sure they’re telling their friends, they’re around other people and they’re saying, “Oh my son’s a pre-med” or “my daughter’s going to do this” or whatever it is, you have that outside pressure, whether they intend on it being pressure or not, you have outside pressure from your family and other people around you.
They have these expectations on you that may or may not align with what you really want to do or what your real purpose is.
So that decision that you made was obviously a pivotal decision and it was a hard one. Looking back now at that decision, what would you tell someone else who’s in the position where they’re doing something – cause you and I definitely resonate with this. We were both doing something that felt so out of alignment because we were trying to live up to others’ expectations or do something that we were told was going to make us successful and happy and all the things.
What would you tell someone now who’s living in that? Who might be feeling that right now and is struggling so much with making that decision to actually stop doing the thing that they’re told to do that’s really actually not bringing them happiness.
Nathan: Stop doing it. Just stop doing it. I spent way too much time worrying, being unhappy, second guessing myself, worried about what other people think.
It’s probably much easier at 46 than it was at whatever 22, 23 years old, whenever I was trying to make those decisions, but I would encourage younger people to not do that.
Your parents are going to understand, your friends are going to understand, so a lot of that just goes back to realistic communication.
So if I would have embraced it at that age and just gone back to my family and sat down, because for a long time, I felt like a failure. Like I had let everybody down, but I know if I would’ve just gone back and sat down and said, “Hey, I’ve had a change of heart.” If my family listens to this, I’ve probably never told them what I just said about why I changed my mind and why I did what I did.
So I would just encourage people to just be open and honest, sit down with whoever it is that you feel like you’re letting down. Just tell them, “Hey, I don’t want to let you down. I feel like I’m letting you down, but this is the decision I’m making and this is what I want to do.”
And I bet 99% of the time, those people really love you and they’ll pivot and support you in whatever decision that you make.
Christina: Yeah, that’s so big because I was feeling exactly the same thing when leaving the golf industry. That was where my worth came from. That’s where I felt like if I didn’t have that title, who was I outside of that?
Okay. So let’s now dive in. So you decide to leave medical school, to come back to help your family business.
When you came into that business in like the early nineties is definitely a little different today than what it was then. So kind of like let’s dive in and talk a little bit about that too.
Nathan: Specifically as in, just continue telling the story?
Christina: Yeah, sure. Sounds good.
Nathan: So I worked in the plumbing industry for a few years. My father had his construction business. He had picked up some jobs when I started working for him.
He had one carpenter and a part-time secretary. He was growing his business. He was getting busier. I was working with my uncle who came back into the plumbing business whenever I moved back home.
And as he picked up some more work, he just needed some help. And so I don’t necessarily know that I intentionally kind of pivoted, but he needed help. So I started helping him.
Christina: Okay. So from the inside, I understand what this kind of looks like. But I know that there’s a lot of people listening that are probably in some sort of family business or they’re in some type of entrepreneurship because that’s a lot of my audience that is doing something where you have a different outlook than perhaps your dad did at the time.
I’d love to know, because obviously I know a lot of it because I’ve witnessed it for the last 17 years, but you came into that business a lot longer than 17 years ago. And so how did the business evolve with you deciding, because one thing that we kind of skipped over is yes, you had your parents, an amazing, great childhood.
But you actually came from nothing. You came from a double-wide trailer and really hard times sometimes to now having a business that’s valued in the multiple millions of dollars.
So tell us how that happened and I believe it’s one of the most pivotal stories of your life.
You’ve told me so many times the fact that you were told you weren’t allowed to have this type of shoe, these Jordan shoes, while you were a kid, because your parents couldn’t afford them. And that moment you shifted into, I will never be told again I can’t have a pair of shoes and I’m not saying that you were not taken care of, but there was a time in your life where your family couldn’t afford to buy you a pair of shoes. And that is a pivotal moment. We’ve all had these moments in life that have changed us. And for me, I believe that’s one of your pivotal moments.
So when you stepped into the family business and your dad was building a single house. You guys were moving from one house to the next house and he was building another one and then you moved into the next one. How did that evolve and how was your decision to step into that business and help make that business more than we build one home at a time?
What was the mindset of when you stepped into that business to go, we’re not going to build one house or five houses a year. You have taken that company and completely shifted where it’s at now, doing these million, multiple million dollar projects from doing a few houses a year.
What was that decision like? Because you can’t tell me that when you were a child being put in that situation where you were struggling financially or a lot that it didn’t have an impact on how you stepped into that business or how you decided to step into that business and make it as great as it is, and continue to have the drive and the decision every single day that it will be great all the time.
Nathan: So I wish I could say that they were intentional decisions because they’re not. A lot of life in general, I think things just kind of happen. And then there’s probably only in the last few years, with a lot of your help, have I really said, “I’m going to intentionally do things” or “I’m going to decide I’m going to do certain things” or make certain things happen.
So going back to my childhood again, I don’t. When anyone to construe the fact that, I think when you say quote, you came from nothing, I don’t necessarily know that that’s a good term.
So we had a typical middle-class, lower middle-class life, upbringing. I remember times in my life where I’m sure my parents weren’t happy where they were, but my dad and I didn’t even know.
So my dad built spec homes. So I think we’ve moved 12 or 14 times from the time he started his business through whenever I was in high school. So that was part of life. That was just how it works. So he would build, I think he could build maybe two houses at a time.
And so he would build two homes and whichever one sold, if it was the one we were living in, we’d move in the other one. That’s how our life was. That’s how he started. That’s how he made a living. I’m the oldest of four, so we had a pretty big family. I’m sure it was difficult to pay for four kids.
Christina: Yeah, absolutely. So my question to you is, what was the trigger in your head when you stepped into that business to help your dad or support your dad or take over the company or whatever that decision was at the time that you said to yourself, this will no longer be the life that I have. What decision did you have to make?
What was the pivotal moment where you’re like, “I will never not be able to buy a pair of shoes again.” To me, and maybe to those who are listening, that is a monumental shift in your life where I think you’ve been fueled by that, for a big period of your time. So you stepping into that business where you’re building a couple houses a year to what it is now, tell us a little bit about the mindset that you have in that business and how it went from a couple of houses a year to what it is now.
Nathan: That’s a very difficult question because it’s taken place over the last 25 years. So it’s not just one thing. It’s something that has evolved over many, many years. So when I came into that business with my father, he and I just approached things differently. He’s much more laid back.
I think a lot of times his goal in life was just to provide for his family, whatever that level was. That that’s not necessarily been my goal. My goal has always been more than that. I’ve always wanted to do more than just provide. I’ve wanted security. I know growing up in my family through the eighties, my father still talks about how high interest rates were and how he lost everything.
That’s just something that he’s talked about and I lived at that time and at my age, I didn’t really understand what was going on from a business standpoint. I just know that there was a lack of comfort around the house and in our family because of financial situations.
I know growing up, my father took a lot of risks, just like I do. Some good, some bad. You live through those things. I get my entrepreneurial, gambler mentality from him. But I lived through those things as a kid. So I think I just always aspired to do more, to go to the next level to take that next risk.
Have I got burned and lost hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars on things? Absolutely. But I’ve also been able to learn from those things and turn it around. And I feel like for the most part, be pretty successful in what I’m doing today.
Christina: Yeah, I think that that’s so huge because I think so many people are afraid. Obviously this podcast, deciding it’s your turn, and the coaching that I do, I think so many people are unwilling to take a risk on themselves or bet on themselves or decide on themselves.
And I think that that is something that you have taught me so well, is that you’re always willing to take a risk on yourself. You’re always willing to do the hard thing. That’s something that obviously most of my followers on social media know, and hopefully you’ll know here on the podcast, too, that Nathan. and I’s saying between ourselves is “We do hard things.”
You are so good at that. You are always willing to bet on yourself. What do you think it is about yourself that makes you always willing to bet on yourself or take a risk on yourself?
Nathan: I don’t know who all says it, but it’s like, if you never quit, you never lose.
So I’ll always bet on myself because I know I’ve got the drive and the willingness to do what, whatever that is. You’ve been with me to finish projects before I’ve gone and worked 30, 40 straight days to get something finished. I’ll get up at four o’clock in the morning and I’ll work till midnight, come home, get a few hours of sleep and go back.
So I bet on myself because I believe in myself and I know I will do whatever the fuck it takes to get it done.
Christina: Oh my God. I love that so much. You guys, that is it! It is so freaking true. I tell so many people who are so afraid. They’re like, “What if it doesn’t work?” I’m like the only way it’s not going to work is if you quit and that is something I absolutely love about you.
And that is one of the reasons why I believe that you are always willing to decide on yourself and take a risk on yourself is because of those characteristics. I feel the exact same way. I say it sometimes even on the golf course, I’m like “I would rather lose my arm than lose.” And so I just bear down into the very last second.
And I think that obviously that is a positive and a negative sometimes about us. But I do believe that one of the main reasons why you have been able to grow and have the success that you do is you are always willing to bet on yourself and you have taught me this so, so well, because I still struggle, even though we both came from lower middle class growing up. I probably had a little bit more, but I think. I think one of the things about you is you have taught me so, so well that you have to take risks in order to get really ahead in life.
And one of the things that you now talk so highly about, and so many people are interested and I had so many questions about, you know, you now do real estate developing and for me, one of our not biggest arguments, but I’m always like, “Do you think we should sell that? Do you think we should sell it and pocket it and keep it?”
And you’re always like “No, double down, reinvest, that is an asset.” And what is the mentality that you have about net worth versus cash in your business and real estate assets. Obviously this is a flip in the conversation, but I think it’s really, really interesting for those who are listening, who want to acquire more wealth and money, we call it mailbox money or money when you sleep.
What is it in your brain that is always willing to continue to invest in yourself and invest in real estate assets?
Nathan: So obviously two different topics. So we can talk about investing in yourself and we can talk about investing in real estate. So where real estate came from, and I can give you the really long version or I can give you the really short version.
Christina: Well, we try to keep these to an hour. So let’s keep it short.
Nathan: I’ll just keep it really short. I don’t know when, but at one point in time in my life I read a book and it said the only way you’re ever going to get rich is to make money when you sleep. My father in the eighties, early on, he had a few duplexes.
So when I was a kid, I had to clean up the trash around them and cut the grass and all those things. So we were slightly involved in real estate development. Had some duplexes, a few rent houses.
The more I got involved in the business, the more I realized I can make a good living doing construction or plumbing or whatever that is, but you gotta be doing something, right?
So for my construction business, I’m always chasing that next job. Once that’s jobs over, there’s no more money to be had. So it’s constantly finishing, start and finish. Starting with a real estate asset, once you have that asset, if you’re in a good spot, if you take care of it, if you do what you need to do, you keep it rented. That’s consistent cash flow. So you’re making money when you sleep.
Christina: I love that story so much. You told me that story about being a kid and really dive into that story for a second. Do you think it was the decision in your life when you were that young kid cutting the grass and taking care of the property and you’re like, “Holy shit. These people have to pay their rent. Like, no matter fucking what. And it doesn’t matter. They’re paying their rent. This is not going to stop.” And do you think that that was the moment and that you decided you’re like, “Oh fuck. Yeah. This is what I need to do. I need to be in real estate.”
Nathan: So one, I love the process. So I love to design things and build things and have that vision. My mom would tell you that goes all the way back to when I was a kid stealing lumber off job sites and building tree houses.
So, going back to me trying to be pre-med, that was for someone else, that wasn’t really for me. And I was doing things to try to make other people happy.
What I do now is what I’m supposed to do and that’s my purpose. So it really goes back to that. And then, yeah, absolutely. It’s like every day you can get up and grind and grind and grind.
We do a lot of multi-family stuff. People are going to have to have a place to live. At some point in time, people may decide interest rates go up. There’s all these factors that could impede on some of the other businesses that I’m involved in, but now more than ever, people need a place to live and they’re going to live in apartments and they’re going to, if they want to stay there, they’re going to they’re going to pay their rent.
What if it’s raining, I can’t do construction work sometimes. People are going to pay the rent. I compare paying rent to no matter what happens, when the bank wants the interest on the loans that I take out, right? So same principle. Yeah. No matter what happens, people are going to pay their rent.
When I’m asleep, when I go on vacation, if I go to Hawaii for a month, all my tenants have to pay their rent. Even when I’m in Hawaii. If I’m in Hawaii, it’s hard sometimes for me to do construction work.
Christina: That’s so good. And so I always like to give a tangible on these podcasts and obviously we’re going to dive into a few more things that people want to know about you, but I always want to give a tangible on this podcast.
What would you say is one of the best decisions? I love that fucking word. What is the one of the best ways, AKA decisions, a person could start investing in real estate now, or start investing in something that produces money while they sleep?
Like you said, when you’re asleep or you’re on vacation, they’re getting some income.
So let’s say they don’t have a ton of extra cash at the moment, which by the way, I actually believe none of us have piles of cash just waiting to do like you and I can dive totally into that because that’s one of the questions that I get asked all the time. “Well, how do you invest in yourself if you don’t have this pile of money just waiting to be invested.”
I’m like, “Bitch, it’s an investment.”
But anyway, that’s a whole nother topic.
But what would you say is a very tangible way for someone to start making some residual income, perhaps even in real estate at this point in time?
Nathan: The biggest thing holding people back is just making the decision to do something and actually doing it.
Christina: YES!! Can we get a hell yeah?! Amen.
Nathan: The first step – do what’s hard, whether it’s real estate or any other type of investment, there’s the stock market. If you don’t have a ton of money, I know our company does matching.
So I tell my people all the time, take a little bit of money out of your check every month, invest it in something, do something with your money, having a pile of cash sitting in your checking account does absolutely nothing except de-value over time.
Christina: That is actually probably one of the biggest arguments Nathan – it is not even an argument per se, it’s one of the biggest – What did you just say, smart ass?
Nathan: Sure. It is.
Christina: Okay. Well perhaps, maybe it’s an argument, but you guys know I’ve talked about it. I have amazing parents, but my parents didn’t know shit about money. They weren’t taught that.
So money mindset is something that I’ve had to shift into and you have such an absolute boss by helping me with that. But I am the type of person that I love to have cash stored away. But I now understand that it’s not working for me. I totally get that. If when I was growing up and even still to this day, my parents would probably, you give them a million dollars, they put 990 under their bed just in case.
And it’s not about them and there’s so many of you listening that would probably do the exact same thing, but it’s actually a really bad thing to do because it’s not working for you. Cash is not actually King, like cash is not King. And if you take that away from this podcast, I hope that’s one thing that you can learn because I’ve had to retrain myself.
I still get stuck in my old thoughts, my old habits, my old decisions. But I really am trying to understand that when Nathan explains it to me, you can take $30,000 cash and put that down on a rental house. And every month, you know, if your mortgage payment is a hundred thousand dollar house and you put down 30,000 and every month someone’s paying you a thousand dollars rent.
You’re making money on that money. And instead of it just sitting in a safe or a bank account or under your bed or whatever it is, right. I’ve had to shift my brain into knowing that money like cash money just sitting is not the best investment at all. And making money on your money, money when you sleep is literally amazing.
And I’ll tell you a quick story. So Nathan and I got a little bit of money from one of the properties that he sold and he had to literally explain it to me. I was like, “No, no, no, no can we not just keep that in the bank? And we’ll do this and we’ll do that with it. And we could go on this vacation or whatever.” And he’s like, “Christina, I get it. But let’s just say that amount of money was $50,000. Well, yes, we can go do a lot of things with that $50,000. But if we spend that $50,000 and in two or three years on vacations, it’s gone. OR we could put that $50,000 in a deposit or a down payment on a rental house where that $50,000 will kick off X amount of money each year that you can spend.
AND in three years that $50,000 is not gone. It could even appreciate, plus you’re getting the kickoff every month. So I think for me, that mindset shift of no, just keep it and we can spend it. It’s like, no, get the kickoff every month of the rent. And then in three years from now, you still have the $50,000.
And so for me, that’s just been a huge shift in my mindset. So I hope that resonates with a few of you listening. Do you have anything else to say on that topic?
Nathan: Yeah, I mean, it’s really threefold with real estate, that’s what I do just cause that’s what I know.
But there’s a lot of other things that can do at least similar things, but yeah, you’re right. One, don’t be scared of debt if it’s the right kind of debt. I think too many people these days end up with big credit card bills or cars that are really too nice that they don’t need to be driving or a house that’s really too big for them.
That to me is bad debt or negative debt. And that’s what I mean. We don’t have that. Those are things that we don’t have debt on. Good debt is when you can put down a decent down payment on a rental property or a business or whatever it is so you’re not over leveraged, but don’t be scared of borrowing money.
Right. I think that’s what a lot of people are scared of – going to the bank or scared of talking to a banker or whatever that fear is. You just gotta take that step. But with real estate, you pay a decent down payment. Over time that real estate is going to appreciate. You’re paying that debt down every month.
And if you set it up right, and put down the proper down payment and you keep it rented, you get cash flow and you get tax benefits. So there’s many, many benefits that we realized through investing in real estate.
Christina: Yeah. No, I think that that’s so good. And I think so many people have to hear that because I’ll be honest with you, it’s not that I just didn’t know before I met you.
And I think so many people just don’t know, they just don’t know how to go about doing it or that you can start from such a small amount.
So one thing that this kind of shifts the conversation a little bit, but we were just talking about is so many people I get to, I bet the number one question I have from women in my audience on social media who asked me questions in regards to our relationship is this, how do you get your husband to get on board with your change, your self-development, your investment in yourself?
And that is by far, no question, the number one question that I get, and I always ask you, I’m always like, “Babe, what do I tell these people? How do I do it?”
My answer is always, “Well, you got to change yourself first.”
In the beginning of our relationship and we are very honest. We’ve been together 17 years. I was a fucking hot mess in the beginning. Nathan has had his own hot mess situations. We’ve been a hot mess together, but I believe we’re slowly but surely getting more to the other side of it.
We’re not perfect by any means.
His face right now! You’re such a dick, but no, we are not perfect. And we still have our issues, but yeah. You know, I always say it is changing yourself first and then that other person goes, “Hmm. Funny, what’s going on over there?”
One of the things that you just said was investing in real estate having to be willing to invest in real estate. One of the things that I always talk about is good debt is investing in yourself in self-development. And I know that in the beginning of my journey, you know, six years ago, when I made the first investment in myself, five or six years ago, when I made the first big investment in myself, that was a scary situation.
And you were on board. So tell me, or tell the audience how you have navigated my journey through self development and how you just said, which I’m very grateful for, and it makes me tear up because you have changed so much and you have been willing to come on this journey with me and you’ve changed dramatically and I’m so, so fucking proud of you.
But all that to be said, how in the beginning of my journey were you willing to kind of come along and not change with me at the time, but at least be willing to support me in my journey.
Nathan: So let’s be honest at that time we had a lot going on. So, we were struggling with a lot of different things.
You weren’t on board with some things that we were trying to do in our relationship. And so when you started going down this path and trying these things and talking about self-development and reading these books and I mean, what did I have to lose, to be honest with you, if you’re willing to work on yourself and do some things differently than you’ve done in the past, did I believe in it?
No. I thought it was a crock of shit, but different things for different people. So in my mind, one, unconditional love. I supported you no matter what. We had been through a lot. We’ve been trying a lot of different things. You were struggling with doubt and career changes and all the things that you talk about.
That’s when you were dealing with those things. And I knew it and I could see it and it was straining on our relationship and all those things. So when it happened, what did I have to lose? I honestly didn’t believe in it at the time. I thought it was a waste of time and a waste of money until I started seeing those changes.
It did change you, you did make visible changes and the more that you continued with it, and I thought it was probably a fad. Honestly, I thought, “Oh God, you’re going to spend all this money and do all this stuff and six months from now, it’s going to go right back to how it was before, or you’re never going to stick with it,” all the negative things probably.
Or I know that you talk to your clients and then you’ll talk on this podcast about, and that’s not what happened. You continued on, you kept moving forward. You’re making changes. I think probably what some women struggle with as they start down that path and their partner has the same feelings that I had and they just don’t ever get on board.
Maybe there’s some jealousy involved, maybe your partner seeing that you’re happier or you’re healthier, or, you know, your business is thriving and theirs isn’t and they feel maybe like they’re being left behind.
Honestly, I started feeling that a little bit. So it was an opportunity for me to go, what do I have to lose?
So I’ve used you doing that as an example. And I started reading some of the books and listening to some of the podcasts and doing some of the things that you were doing and in turn, it’s affected me. And so it’s helped change me over time.
So, at one point I was trying to change you, right?
You’re the one that I felt like had all the problems and wouldn’t get on board and it was the problem in our relationship. It was all about you. And then when you started changing and I could see those changes instead of being negative about it or putting you down about it or not supporting you.
What did I have to lose? Why not try it? If it worked for me like it worked for you, great. And if not, I was just happy that my wife was changing and my wife was starting to be happy and it was making her life better. So what do you have to lose?
Christina: I don’t cry. I’m not a big crier, but I just, yeah, it’s a hundred percent the truth, right?
Like my social media audience knows this. I truly believe the biggest blessing in my life has been finding my faith and our marriage. I mean, and there were probably times where that was probably not the case. But I’m so fucking proud. I’m so fucking proud of us. And I’m so proud of the hard work and the hard conversations and the hard decisions we have had to make.
And yeah, you’re a hundred percent right. In the beginning it’s hard because you are such a mess and you’re thinking, this is just one more thing that you’re going to do. And it probably won’t work like the hundred other things, but the one thing that I have learned about you and I will a hundred percent admit this fully.
I do believe you’re a better human than me in the fact of you, number one, always are about unconditional love. And number two, I think the thing about you is you are a lot less selfish than me. I think in the beginning, it was a hundred percent all about me all the time. Um, and then it became about me.
I had to make the decision. It had to be about me in order to change me. And then, your unselfishness allowed it to be about me to change. So I could actually make the changes that I needed to make in order for us to have this life that we now have, and this marriage that we now have, it’s not perfect.
We still get in arguments. People always ask what the difference is. And obviously it’s, in my opinion, it’s black and white night and day, but all that to be said, what are you saying? Why are you laughing?
Nathan: Nothing’s black and white.
Christina: Well, I just mean it’s night and day different. It’s black and white different from where we were to where we are now.
Nathan: We went through a lot of gray areas to get there. It was not black and white.
Christina: No, no, absolutely. A hundred percent. I agree with that. And so if that’s misconstrued, we went through a ton of gray to get to this point. And, and the thing about it is that I truly believe the only difference now is that we still have hard moments.
Like some of our biggest arguments in the beginning we still now have, but the thing is we now have the tools and the self-awareness and the compassion and the ability to talk through those moments or deal with those moments differently than we did before. So our shit show days, hours, weeks are now perhaps an hour long or 15 minutes, or we know how to get ourselves back.
And you and I have both said on numerous occasions, “Hey, I apologize. That has nothing to do with you. I took it out on you, that had everything to do with me and my own insecurities that I projected onto you. And I apologize.” Yeah.
Nathan: Is that a question?
Christina: No, that’s a hundred percent the truth. I just didn’t know if you had a comment to say about that.
I do think that that’s the truth, right? Is that we are now learning how to communicate better and we’re both on board to do so. And we both find so much enjoyment in becoming better versions of ourselves so we can become a better couple.
I think that that for me is probably the biggest truth there.
Nathan: Yeah. Just get your ego out of the way, right? So we’re both very Type A people. I’m sure a lot of people that listen to your podcasts or want to hear about real estate or trying to improve their self, they’re probably Type A. So if you’re in a household like ours with two very strong minded Type A people, you got to learn to leave your ego at the door.
I know I had to learn to leave my “work mode”. I’ve tried to learn to leave that at the door. Think about, this is the person that I love. This is the person that is my partner. This is the person that has my back. And just think about that before you react to what buttons to push like that was one of our big things.
You knew how to – you wanted to have a fight for whatever was going on. You wanted to push my buttons and push me to argue and push me to fight, because that was just a way that you dealt with things. And it took me many, many years, both of us, to get away from that and to not do it that way or to go, you know what, I fucked up.
I need to go apologize to my wife because I was really pissed at something that happened on a construction site today and it’s just boiling up. And so I’ll walk in the door and she asked me a simple question and I just lose my mind. It’s not about her. We just need to apologize faster and love more and just understand, “Hey, this is my partner and I love her.”
Or wouldn’t put up with all of her shit and it’s not worth fighting about something stupid for three days. Get your fucking ego out of the way. Apologize to your husband or wife, go hat in hand. Know when you fuck up and fix it.
Christina: Oh, my God. I love you so much. It’s so funny cause it’s also true. There’s so many people that are going to resonate with this.
You guys be sure to leave us a comment or come see us over on social media at Be_Christina, obviously you guys know that. He’s JNSalter1, his following is really going up with his three photos that he’s posted in the last year.
Okay. I want to end this podcast, we’ve got a couple of minutes left.
I want to end this podcast with doing something a little bit fun. What would you say is by far the most annoying quality about me, hands down?
Nathan: You already know the answer. You ask a way, way, way too many questions.
Christina: Oh my God. I asked so many questions. I’m like a three-year-old child. I’m like, “Hey babe, I’ve got a question!”
And he’s like, let me guess you got a question? I’m like, Hey babe, let me guess you’ve got a question. I’m like, yeah. I asked so many questions.
I love it. It’s actually, apparently asking questions makes you very, very intelligent. Did you know that?
Nathan: Or very, very annoying.
Christina: Okay. Do you want to ask me the same question?
Nathan: No, but you can ask it yourself because you want to tell everyone why I’m annoying. So go ahead.
Christina: So true. I do. I absolutely do want to tell why you’re so annoying and some days I just want to punch you in the face.
Nathan: I cannot wait for you to tell people the only things that I do that annoy you, it’s awesome. Unless you lie.
Christina: No, there’s a lot of them. The number one thing that he does that is so annoying you guys, and he is dying, laughing right now, but it’s so true. I literally, oh, and he’s about to do it.
I literally want to murder him when he takes a drink. He just did it in front of my face to piss me off.
Literally you guys, he drinks so loud and breathes. My neighbors can hear him breathing and drinking, and it is the absolute worst noise on the planet. It’s like chalkboard shit.
Nathan: You know what that means? Best husband in the world, but that’s the only two things that bother you. That’s how I have to live.
So you want me to die? Because I don’t breathe her drink. That’s not very kind.
Christina: No, it’s not very kind at all, but it is so annoying. So if any of you resonate with those little things that your husband does, to me, it is drinking and breathing and here’s the thing, like he said, he drinks and breathes every day and is like, Oh, my God, I literally need headphones.
I want to leave the other room. You guys ask why I get up at three in the morning because there’s a lot of breathing that happens. Well, he is alive.
Nathan: What is wrong with you?
Christina: But it’s so true. It’s so annoying. It’s the worst. But so for me, it’s asking a lot of questions.
Um, okay. What would you say is the funnest aspect –
Yeah. Funnest. Is that a real fucking word? Who knows? What is the funnest aspect of our marriage?
Nathan: That we just have fun with each other. Like we laugh and we joke, we enjoy a lot of the same things. We like to do a lot of the same things. So I just think we have a pretty fun life, honestly.
Christina: Yeah, we totally do because we choose it, though.
We decided it. We have decided that we are going to have a fun life. Like we make the very, very conscious decision that we are always going to choose each other. We’re going to choose happiness. We’re going to choose to do the things that set us on fire. You know, I think this is really relevant too, because you and I, in the beginning of the year.
Most people know this will probably come out and towards the beginning of 2021, what was one of the decisions that we decided that we were going to make in 2021 in regards to fully having fun and deciding it’s our turn in 2021?
Nathan: You’re talking about when we said we’re going to celebrate life.
Christina: Well, yeah, we’re going to celebrate life, but we also talked about not saving anything.
Nathan: Oh yeah. We were both kind of bad about that. So, I had a bottle of champagne since I don’t know how long and I kept saying, “Oh, we’ll open it later. We’ll open it later. Open it later.” And what are we saving it for? It doesn’t make any sense.
So we just decided this year, like sometimes you got that nice new pair of shoes that you don’t really want to wear cause you don’t want to mess them up. Just stop saving stuff.
Who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow? Who knows if you’re going to be here tomorrow. So yeah. Nope. Do that little thing that you think you’re saving for some special occasion, make that special occasion be today.
Christina: Yeah, absolutely. I think we should probably end on that. Hopefully you got so many tips out of this podcast, hopefully you enjoyed it so, so much. Everyone loves Nathan on my social media because he is actually truly a great human and I’m super lucky to get to do this thing called life with him.
But I hope you did take away many tips on this podcast, things that you can implement in your life, things that you can decide it’s your turn to start doing today.
And one of them that we’re doing in 2021 is deciding we’re not saving shit, every day is a day to be celebrated. So where are those shoes?
Pop that champagne, put on that new outfit, dance in the living room and look like an idiot. And always remember you too can decide it is your return.