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How My Husband Has Dealt with My B******t

In this episode: 

Success coach and former professional golfer, Christina Lecuyer launches her official podcast, “Decide It’s Your Turn”. In this episode Christina brings in her most requested guest, her husband, real estate professional Nathan Salter. They discuss surviving and thriving in their 17 year relationship, love languages, and how they maintain their love and bond through periods of great change. 

Christina Lecuyer’s Bio: 

Christina Lecuyer is a former Professional Golfer, a three-time reality television competitor, Confidence + Mindset Coach, Motivational Speaker, and Founder of Women with C.L.A.S.S. Mastermind, as well as Decide It’s Your Turn: Women’s Weekend. Christina’s mission in life is to empower people to fully live in their purpose, confidently and successfully! 

Resources and Links: 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and give us a five star rating on iTunes and leave us a comment about what you’d like us to talk about that will help you realize that at any moment, any day, you too can decide, it’s your turn!

Full Episode Transcript: 

Christina Lecuyer 

Welcome back to the “Decide It’s your Turn” podcast. Today I am so excited for my guest because it is his first podcast ever. And this person,… I know him better than anyone else on the planet and he knows me better than anyone else on the planet, I think as well. I’ll be honest with you, this has probably been the number one person that my guests have asked for. Since the beginning of me saying I was going to start a podcast. Do you want to introduce yourself? Do you want to give everyone who the hell you are? Because this is actually an in person, face to face. nose to nose, toes to toes podcast! Do you want to tell everyone who you are and why you’re here? 

Nathan Salter 

I’m not sure why I’m here. I’m Nathan Salter. I’m the most requested guest ever on your podcast since this is like the second episode. 

Christina Lecuyer 

Yeah, that’s right, folks. It’s my dumb ass, I love him to death. Absolutely, totally. You know, in love with this man, even though I want to kill him 99% of the time. And everyone loves us on social media, babe, and you have been the number one requested person that everyone wanted us to interview and so I thought, since we’re starting this podcast, and yes, this is only one of the first few episodes I thought I would bring you on. And today before I turned the mic on and I said, “Okay, babe, we’re gonna do this.” I gave you like three rules. I said, “don’t make any noise. don’t crack any beers.” And what did you say to me? 

Nathan Salter 

Sounds like you’re trying to make it way too perfect. And I’m the guest. 

Christina Lecuyer 

You are the guest. So you get to make the rules here today. But we wanted to talk about, there’s so many things we actually can talk about. We’re going to talk about a ton of things over the course of this podcast. But today, I think what are we going to talk about today? What do you believe is probably the number one most requested thing that we talked about?

Nathan Salter 

You’re asking me? 

Christina Lecuyer 

Yes, I am asking you! Oh my gosh, this one microphone thing is not gonna work. He’s not gonna yell at you the way that I do on social media. The number one most requested thing that everyone always asked us about is how we’ve made it 17 years and actually still really like each other. Have worked through all of our bullshit because I’ve been very open with my art, open and honest with my audience on social media and over probably the last five or six years I have involved you on that social media. Now you become even more so of a request. And even me, everyone’s like, “Where’s Nathan? Where’s Nathan? Where’s Nathan? Let’s see more of Nathan. When? When does Nathan get to come on the podcast?” So I thought no better person to come on the beginning of this podcast journey the Decide It’s Your Turn podcast than you and I thought today we should probably talk about how we decided it was basically our turn to create a marriage that is, in my opinion, pretty damn good. 

Nathan Salter 

Is that a question? 

Christina Lecuyer 

Babe! You are honestly supposed to be well a part of this podcast and I honestly, I think the question is like “How have we made it 17 years? How have you been able to put up with me and my bullshit? How have I been able to put up with you and your bullshit? What do you think is the number one key to our success? We’ve talked about this a lot. And I’m not trying to pretend like we’re unbelievably successful and we have all our shit together. Because even just this morning you said to me, you’re like, “What have I done wrong? Why are you being a bitch? And I’m like, okay, it’s not, it’s not you. It’s not you. It’s not you. Then I got out of the shower and I was like, “Okay, so here’s the thing that is coming up for me.” So tell us, tell everyone what you think like the number one thing? How we have made it for 17 years when both of us have had, you know, so many ups and downs, and we are not even complete, not even in the vicinity of the same people we were when we first met.

Nathan Salter 

So first of all, it’s not going to be perfect. You can do all the work that you do. I think the first thing is to realize it’s not ever going to be perfect, right? It’s a process. So the first thing is just to come to the reality that my marriage isn’t going to be perfect. And don’t try to make it perfect. Try and enjoy it. I think I’ll tell you a lot. The main thing is unconditional love. So you just have to love your partner unconditionally. No matter how mad they make you no matter what they screw up, no matter what they say no matter what they do. Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and remember that you love that person unconditionally, even when you do want to murder them. 

Christina Lecuyer 

That’s 100% the truth because I know I think actually more often than not you want to murder me. You know, this actually kind of funny and I think I wanted to bring it up. I have had so many people over the years and you know this to be true is that so many people have said to you, “How do you handle her in the spotlight? How do you handle her, you know, being who she is. You know, with my golf career and now this and I’ve done some television stuff. How do you handle her doing that? And I think it’s always so funny when you get that question because I just kind of like laugh inside. Because I know the truth be told is, I think I’m the lucky one for you putting up with me. But how do you handle that, as you know, the confident man that you really are? 

Nathan Salter 

So one thing was that it was absolutely part of the original attraction to you. That you are independent, you are confident. You know, you early on in our relationship, you did the big break, and you’re on TV, and you did those things and I still just see you as you no matter where you go or what you do. You’re still just Christina, and you’re my wife. So I think it’s great. And I support you, and you support me. But at the end of the day, when we get home, we’re just ourselves. So I just kind of laugh when people ask me, How do I deal with it? How do I put up with it? Because I don’t, it’s presented to me a lot of times, like as a negative thing, and I’ve never seen it as a negative thing. I’ve always encouraged you. I’ve always said, I’m your biggest fan. And I think that I still am today. So I don’t know… maybe it’s a mindset thing, maybe it’s an age thing, maybe it’s an ego thing, I don’t really know, I just know that that’s just

not how I feel. And it doesn’t bother me. I’m proud of you. And I support you and always have and always will. 

Christina Lecuyer 

Oh my god, like that’s the best answer ever. I know that there’s so many people out there going, “Well, how do I find that person?” Or “what happens if my spouse is not like that?” I know you and I have talked about that before because I’ve come to you. Over the course of my career in this coaching industry. I’ve had a lot of people say like, how do you make your husband understand what you do? How do you have your husband encourage you? How do you get your husband on board? And I’ve asked you these questions before because I’m not gonna pretend just because I’m a coach. I’m not going to pretend that I have all the answers. I do my best to figure it out but at the end of the day, I’ve asked you these questions a ton of times, like, why are you the way that you are? And like, what would you tell someone? If their partner is not supportive of them? And how does a partner become so supportive? Like you really have told me since the day we were together, you said, I’m not going to hold you back from anything ever. Because you’ll resent me for that. And so how, how do you go into a relationship when someone is not like that? Or how do you handle a relationship where the other person is not completely supportive of what you want to do? 

Nathan Salter 

So first of all, don’t ever enter a relationship thinking that you’re going to change the other person, and that’s going to make it better. I think that’s probably one of the number one things that I see or hear is that well my partner needs to change or I’m going to get him to do this, or I’m going to get him to do that. That’s, you know, absolutely the worst thing that you can possibly do. So honestly, we, you know, we got together a little later in life. And you know, we’re more mature and more grown and whatever you want to say. So I think a lot of the drama may be that younger couples went through or go through, we didn’t necessarily go through those things. 

Christina Lecuyer 

Just to give everyone a backstory, I was probably, I guess I’m 38 now we’ve been together 17 years so we got together when I was 21. And you were how old? 30 close to 30,29? So just to kind of give you a backstory of how long we’ve been together and how old we were when we first got together. And

neither one of us had been married before and neither one of us had children. And you had actually been in a couple long term relationships and I can actually remember one of the first dates that we went on when you said to me, “I am 100% sick and tired of trying to be someone for someone else. So this is me. And I actually remember you went out that night like I came to the house, I think I was in college and I came to the house because our washer was broken. And I was like I’m gonna just do let’s do some laundry and you’re like, “Yeah, do whatever you want. I’m going out because this is me and I’m not gonna change.” And I love that from the moment… I think you were at a point in your life where you are, you were like, I’ve tried to be someone else for a really long time. I’ve tried to please the other person, but pretty much fuck it. And I’m just gonna be me. And I remember that like it was yesterday. And that was like 17 years ago. 

Nathan Salter 

Right? I mean, that goes back to what I said earlier, you have to be yourself, you have to be okay with the person that you’re with. You have to be willing to support them no matter what I think a lot of it is is the actions or the way in which the other person acts. So you and I do struggle a lot with you needing to let a man be a man. And I think that can be at least in my opinion that can be hard on a relationship. So, you know, if you’re listening to this and you’re one of you know, a strong female and you’re having a good money mindset, maybe you make more money in their relationship, whatever that may be. You know, a lot of times, you just gotta let it let a man be a man, even if you make more money, or whatever your situation is I think that could potentially have caused issues in our relationships over the years. But you know, a lot of times we have that difficult conversation, and I’m just like, “Hey, you need to chill for a minute, you need to let me be the man.” And I think that can potentially cause rubs in relationships where maybe you have a, you know, two alpha to alpha, people, man and woman in a relationship. And, you know, sometimes a woman needs to be allowed to be the woman, she doesn’t need to have the pressure of really doing what God made a man to do, and vice versa. So, you know, I think sometimes we need to be able to act out the roles that are inside of us, a man has a need to, you know, take care of his wife and protect his family and do all those things. And I think sometimes, especially today, with the pressures of, you know, success, and women in the workplace, and all those things. And I’m not taking anything against a woman. And I don’t mean that as a sexist thing. But honestly, we were created to, you know,

need certain things in our lives. And in our relationship, it’s so important that each person is allowed to, to do what God made us to do. And I think that’s where things can get off track. 

Christina Lecuyer 

I totally agree. And I will say like you and I have had the conversation that one of the reasons why you were attracted to me in the first place is because I was a strong, confident woman even though back then it was probably more on the outside than it was on the inside the way it is now. I will say I think that this one you’ve even said it. That was one of the reasons why you were attracted to me. I made my own money. I did my own thing. I was confident who I was, I was kind of a you know, a little bit of a bitch to be honest. Like, there’s that kind of like, strong personality thing. That’s what you were attracted to me for. And I really, I remember my dad has always told me and I think a lot of fathers do this with their daughters. They say, hey, never rely on a man. Be strong. Take care of yourself. Be confident in all the things and that has stuck with me, my dad’s one of my favorite people on the planet. And my that has always stuck with me and I will say that is a blessing and a curse when you get into a marriage because… And you’re shaking your head and absolutely you know this to be true is that the same reason why you fell in love with me is one of the same reasons why we have such issues sometimes is because I am such a strong female. Because I have said to you numerous times and for those, you know, there’s been moments in our life. And I’m sure over the years, we’ll talk about hard moments and things. But I know for a fact some of the hard things that I have said are a defense mechanism, it’s ego coming up is I’ve said “I don’t need you”. And I think that that’s probably one of the most hurtful things that you can say to your partner. And when I said it, I meant I don’t need you. I can take care of myself. I got this. But just like you said, God created a man to be taken care of or to take care of his spouse. And by me saying, I don’t need you that’s like cuts deep to the core. And I think I had no idea what I was saying when I was saying those things because it made me feel strong. And like I could take care of myself. But at the end of the day, that’s actually the last thing on the planet that I believe to be true. I 1,000% need you. I meant it in the regards of like, I can take care of myself, like financially. I can take care of myself, like lifting things and taking out things and doing all the things. But at the end of the day, like that’s still part of it, and I was putting you down and sometimes I need to like basically, honestly, shut the fuck up and let my ego like go out

the back door. And for me to be like “Babe, I 100% need you. I would love for you to take care of this because that’s where you know, masculine energy comes in where yes, I can do all those things. But at the end of the day, I got really clear that I have no desire to do any of those things without you. Sometimes I just need to shut the hell up and allow you to be the man and me to be more of the like female energy if you want to call it that like the lighter energy and allow you to be more of the man in the relationship. And I don’t think that that has anything to do with, you know, degrading women at all. You can be a strong woman but you can also know that, you know, you were created for something and you were created to provide and take care of and so that’s a lesson that we both had to dance with. But me especially in being able to take a backseat and say hey, I apologize for being so strong in that. I love the fact that you are able to take care of me and I want you in my life. I choose you in my life. 

Nathan Salter 

Yeah, there’s just a lot more to it right and the relationship’s way more than the doing things. However, it does make an impact on the way in which we interact with one another. Right? So the doing really ties back into like, what’s the mental state of the relationship? So I’m not going to repeat what you just said, because you really said everything that needs to be said and it really makes a lot of sense. And it’s something that, honestly, we can continue to struggle with. And anyone who has, you know, two type a or two strong people in a relationship, it’s going to be a constant thing. And we need to be reminded. I need to remind you and sometimes you need to remind me of the way in which we’re acting towards one another, or we get in our, you know, work modes, as you call it. And we’re just trying to run hard and take care of things. And, you know, really, when you come home, you need to take your work hat off, and you need to be a husband or you need to be a wife and you need to be supportive even when it’s hard. So, again, relationships, they’re not easy. 

Christina Lecuyer 

No, absolutely not. And something that I think I always want this podcast to have takeaways, I always want you to be able to go, “Oh, okay, that’s what they’ve done.” Let us try to implement this in my life. And I think one of the things that we’ve done over the years is we’ve learned how to communicate with each other. And it’s obviously, like, we’re learning more and more each

day. And you know, like we said, we’ve been in this rodeo for over 17 years now and we have learned to communicate more and more each day. And what would you say is what was kind of like the catalyst for you to say, “Okay, this is obviously the way that she communicates and this is the way that I communicate. So I grew up in a family where you got really mad, you yelled, everyone was screaming and yelling, and then it was fine. And it was over with. You grew up in a family where there was no yelling, everyone just kind of buried it under the table acted like everything was fine and rolled on. Well, when you have two people coming into a relationship like that, that’s very difficult, because I remember wanting to argue with you. I used to pick fights with you, wanting you to yell and get mad and scream, so I’d feel better. But when I pushed you far enough that you did that, Oh, my God, you were like, you hated me and we’re a train wreck for days sometimes. And that was obviously not working for us. What do you think was the thing that helped you realize that this is obviously not working, we have got to learn how to communicate better together? And you’ve got to learn how to talk more with me. And I’ve got to learn how to get over my anger without screaming at the top of my lungs and pissing you off? 

Nathan Salter 

I mean, therapy? 

Christina Lecuyer 

We did therapy when we, but it was more than start, 

Nathan Salter 

therapy was the start. 

Christina Lecuyer 

That’s true. Therapy is always a good thing. I mean, I’ve you know, I lost my best friend when I was 18 years old, and I remembered starting therapy, then it wasn’t a great experience for me. But off and on throughout my journey of you know, this whole changing my life. I’ve gone to therapy many times and then you and I went to premarital counseling before kind of all the things came about. And then what, how many years ago is that 7 , 8, 9 years ago, probably in the beginning of my journey to really getting my shit together. But going to therapy and learning how to communicate a little bit helped. But is there anything else in particular that you can think of, of how we

started the communication journey to learning that, okay, you communicate in one way and I communicate in another way? How are we going to bridge this gap? Because the way that we were going about it was not working? 

Nathan Salter 

I first do think that the therapy and a mediator and someone to kind of help explain or talk through the two different people, right? So we were obviously from different perspectives, I had a hard time with the arguing and the yelling, because I couldn’t just turn it off like you could. So if it became a huge argument. I couldn’t just turn it off. It would go on and on and on. So I think it took again, back to unconditional love. I really love this person. And no matter what it takes, I’m gonna figure out or we’re gonna figure out how to communicate, because what we were doing wasn’t working. So it just took sitting down and basically saying what you just said, but it took a lot longer than the 10 seconds thing. You just said it to really figure those things out. So it’s easy to spit it out now but, you know, seven, eight years ago when we were in the middle of exactly what you said it was not nearly that easy. So again, it’s Not an easy process, it’s difficult. You got to roll your sleeves up, you got to dig in, you got to care about that person and love that person. And listen, and then be able to communicate or be able to stop and say, “Hey, I’m not gonna argue with you or now then that we’ve that I understand what you’re doing, I could say, hey, Christina, I’m not gonna fight with you. I know you’re trying to pick a fight with me right now and I’m not gonna do it. We need to stop and sit down and have a conversation. So it took all going through the process of really digging into and knowing and understanding what was that problem. It’s not easy to get to the point where you go, “Oh, yeah, my problem was when I grew up, this is what we did. And my problem is, oh, yeah, when I grew up, this is what we did.” So it sounds simple. Now on on with a microphone in your face. But when you’re in the middle of it and living it, it’s not as easy as it sounds now, to get to the root of what’s really going on and why you are the way that you are and what happened in your life. Just all the stuff that gets you to the point that you’re at, to be able to openly talk about it now, like we’re doing, it seems like not a big deal now, but at the time, it was a huge deal. 

Christina Lecuyer 

Yeah, absolutely. I totally agree. And I think one thing, too, is we learned, obviously, we learn the fact that like, okay, you do not work very well with

yelling and screaming and get over it. I do not work very well with acting as if it’s not happening. I also think, too, we learned our personality types, we learned what really was filling our cups. You know, we talk all the time about our love languages. And if you’ve never taken the love language test, I actually make all my clients take it, whether they’re, you know, in a relationship or not, because you need to know like, what makes you full, like, what fills your cup? I know, like, I don’t even think I honestly, I have no idea what else my love language could be besides quality time, like there’s nothing else, Like you could and have brought home gifts and flowers and cars and all the things like I swear this to be true, you guys, he can roll up with a brand new Range Rover or he could call me sporadically in the day and ask me to go for lunch. And I would immediately be like, “Oh my god, I will have sex with you immediately because you call me during the middle of the day” and the Range Rover I’d be like, “Yeah, babe, it’s beautiful. That’s great! I could give two shits, but for you to spend quality time with me. What is the thing that you always say to me right now you’re like, is this? 

Nathan Salter 

Oh, is this quality? I just want to make sure 

Christina Lecuyer 

he does because he’s like, wait a minute. I’m so confused. We’ve spent seven days sleeping in the same bed. You say goodbye to me every morning when I get home. We have dinner, we go to bed and then you’re like, I come to you. And I’m like babe, we’ve had no quality and you’re like, wanting to like bang your head against the wall because you’re like, “I am so fucking lost right now. I’ve seen you for 10 days in a row. What in the fuck are you talking about? What are you doing?” But it’s so true for me like getting to sleep in the same bed with you and waking up and kissing you goodbye and having 30 minutes with you at the end of the day for you to vent about your life and your job is not quality time at all. But I also know what your love languages are. Do you want to tell everyone a little bit about what fills your cup? Is that too much of a girly? A girly question? Where do you find it? Where do you get your love? You looked at me like I was an idiot. That’s a very girly question. You’re right. Where do you find that I make you feel loved and appreciated and respected? There’s too much silence right here. Are we going to cut this out? Or what? Like what? Why do you not know I know what it is? What do you mean? What is it? Words of affirmation are your number one because you’ve

never really gotten that in your life. You’ve always wanted the “I’m proud of you. I love you. I appreciate you. You are amazing at what you do” and you don’t get that and so I know that I have to build you up with words all the time. I have to make you feel seen and appreciated and know that you are respected and loved and doing a good job and I’m proud of you and all those things. Is that I think I’m bang on but maybe I’m not alright what do you give? and I’ve completely fucked that up or what? 

Nathan Salter 

No, you’re exactly right. It’s just not an easy topic to discuss. So 

Christina Lecuyer 

I know that’s like a boy thing but maybe maybe along the road. We’ll talk all about that but for sure it is 100% like I now understand how to make you feel loved and respected and appreciated and you 100% get that I need to have quality time and quality time could be, “Hey babe, do you just want to go for lunch during the middle of the day?” Making me feel like I am valuable to your time because, you know, for those of you who are new to this podcast and may not know, Nathan is very successful in his industry. He’s in the construction industry and he’s always busy. And he is the owner, president of the company. And he literally works from six in the morning until sometimes eight o’clock at night and sometimes on the weekends, I think, in our 17 years that you’ve been together, you’ve turned off your phone for how long? 

Nathan Salter 

Half a day on our wedding day. 

Christina Lecuyer 

That’s about right. But one of the things too, I will say, and I think that this is obvious we could, you know, save this for the next podcast. But I think one of the reasons why we are so successful is how many days have I ever yelled at you for working late? 

Nathan Salter 

Never. I think I disappoint you. Maybe sometimes you’re not ecstatic about it. But you’ve never, like, complained about it or really given me a hard time about it. And you understand. And, again, I think that goes back to knowing the person that you are creating a life with and they are who they are, and

don’t think that you’re going to change him. Because if you did act differently than that, towards me about my work and my career, it would make things real hard on our relationship. But I think you knew that when we met, like, that’s something that I probably made pretty obvious to you. And you could see that and how I am and what I do so kind of going back to what I said early on, don’t think you’re going to change somebody because you’re not or if you’re trying really hard to change somebody from who they truly are. There’s going to be problems. 

Christina Lecuyer 

Yeah, totally. Like I knew from the get go, you work that much. I knew from the get go that, you know, building this business from basically nothing into what it is now is your love, your passion, and your drive to succeed. I mean, we’re very similar in that regard. And I knew right off the bat, I was never going to be the spouse that had the life, and I think that this is something I sometimes find confusing. I think a lot of people, a lot of spouses expect to have the life that they’re accustomed to, without sometimes the work that’s associated with, and I think that we live a beautiful life. And I think over the years, our life has evolved and you basically have created something that’s magical, and I cannot I cannot expect the magic of it all. And also expect you to be able to be home by five o’clock every single day or you know, leave for work and sleep in until nine o’clock. One thing I will say, though, about you is you have always made me… if I asked you something ahead of time, you’ve always tried to accommodate that for me. And again, I think that that’s the mutual respect and I don’t think I’ve ever stepped over that boundary. 

Nathan Salter 

No, I agree. I think our relationship is pretty straightforward. I’ll ask or usually now you just tell me if it’s really important and it really needs to be done. I don’t question and I figure it out, because you don’t ask it that often. But if it’s not that important, and it’s really okay, then we’re just, you know, open and honest with each other. You don’t say, “Oh no, it’s okay.” and then nag me about it for three days because I didn’t do it. If it’s really important, and you really need me to do something you tell me and then I do that. I think sometimes, maybe we overcomplicate relationships. Again, sometimes just be direct and open and honest with each other and tell the other person what you need, just like the quality time. Do you always understand it? No. But when you say, “Hey, I don’t feel like we’ve had enough quality time.”

Maybe I don’t understand it. But that’s how you’re feeling and you’re open and honest with me about it. And then usually within a few days, we figure it out, we go for a walk or we go do something or I’ll come home early or like when you tell me that I need to you know open my eyes and open my ears and realize my wife’s being open and honest with me. I need to do my part as a husband and fill that for her, do that for her, give her the quality time that she needs. 

Christina Lecuyer 

I love that so much. I actually had a client that I was talking to about you know, not feeling fulfilled with her spouse at the moment and I use something as simple as that. I said because I came to you and I said “Babe, like I have this client she’s having this issue with her with her husband about just not being like being able to be seen and she doesn’t feel loved and supported and all the things. And they’re always together but you know, she just doesn’t feel loved and you like the boy brain so yeah, you’re nodding your head like huge. You’re like, has she literally just? 

Nathan Salter 

Yeah, just tell him. We’re guys, we’re dudes. We’re not women, we’re not touchy feely, so you can’t get upset. Like, please don’t get upset with us because we can’t read your mind because we’re never going to be able to read your mind. So if you’re feeling a certain way, approach it in a manner in which you can just say, “Hey, babe, this is how I’m feeling.” Not be upset, not be mad about it, because honestly, we may just not know. Cut us some slack. 

Christina Lecuyer 

I love it and it’s so true. And because I said to you, I was like, “Well, what should I tell him to do?” And you’re like, has she literally said, “Hey, babe, I’m really not feeling loved right now. And all I want to do is spend some time with you? Is there any way within the next week that you can give me an hour of undivided attention?” And it was that simple to just like. 

Nathan Salter 

He probably said yes, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize! 

Christina Lecuyer

Exactly that’s so true. And you know what, like, Nathan understands that about me that I will just have to say to him, I’m like, “Oh my God, I’ve had no quality time” and he’ll roll his eyes and go “Oh my God, I cannot believe that. Like it seriously, you can watch it all unfold. It’s on my social media channel. But most of the time, he just rolled his eyes, but then he does make the time. And one thing that I have recognized too, and I basically, you know, eat shit when I screw up big time too is, you came home a couple weeks ago. This is a really good example, you came home a couple weeks ago and told me about this job that you had just gotten a big loan for. It was a big job and you were so excited about it and I didn’t give you the words to make you feel how proud I am of you. I went into my scarcity mindset and you know, obviously, this is for another podcast about working through all the scarcity and working through our old stories. But one of the things that I did that I didn’t do did not do very well, in that moment is I didn’t get excited for you for something that you’d been working so hard on. And to you that’s a love language I needed to build you up, I needed to make you feel loved and proud. And all the things that are so important to you. And I didn’t do it that night because of my scarcity mindset. And I literally, I felt like, I felt like such a piece of shit, I really did. I felt like such a piece of shit that night because of my own insecurities. And the next day, I was so intentional. I went out and I bought you a cake and I bought you balloons, and we bought the bottle of champagne on a Wednesday, and all the things because I needed to make you feel loved in that moment when I didn’t. And that, you know, it’s a learning experience. And you felt overwhelmed the next day by me doing that. And, you know, that’s just, I’m still learning, we’re 17 years in and we’re still learning, we don’t have all the answers. We still want to punch each other in the face a lot of times but we’re still learning and growing. And I recognize when I am. And one thing that is true is I am a lot more selfish than you. And that is one thing that I have learned that I need to work on is I am selfish a lot of times and I made that about my feelings as opposed to making you feel loved that night. And so the next day, I was like, as much as I hate staying up late and as much as I don’t drink alcohol on the weekdays. I am going to celebrate the fuck out of you and give you all of the proudness and make you feel so loved because I knew that I kind of shattered the six year old Nathan inside of you when I didn’t make you feel loved and appreciated that night. 

Nathan Salter

Yeah, I mean, it happens. I don’t know if anyone that’s going to listen to this. If you have a spouse that is a business owner or a business leader. Odds are you don’t have too many cheerleaders. Right? Your job is to cheer on other people. So it is very important that you support your spouse in whatever it is that they’re doing. Because honestly, you may be their only cheerleader, you know, you may be their only supporter and it’s easy in a relationship to be selfish or not to see those things or not to recognize those things. But it’s so important for a good relationship to have that person’s back good, bad, celebrate, cry, complain, whatever that is. It’s so important. And you know, I really appreciate the fact that you did recognize that and you recovered pretty well the next night, but 

Christina Lecuyer 

Champagne and chocolate cheesecake. Hello! And whatever else happened we don’t need to talk about that either, but I literally made it up to you. 

Nathan Salter 

Again, you recovered pretty good. You recovered pretty well. But yes, you did. You’re exactly right about, you know, my love language and we all have those things. And again, a lot of a lot of successful people I know deal with the same 

thing. So again, paying attention to your partner’s you know, love language and what do they need and recognize that and to really go out of your way, even if you have to, you know, roll your eyes or you don’t really see it, the person’s going to understand, like, It meant probably more to me that you did that the second day than if I would have just come in and you’d have just half heartedly said, “Oh, honey, that’s so great. Blah blah blah I know you’ve worked on that for a year and a half cool or whatever. Right? So I mean, it could have been, I would have been okay with that. Right? I would have been, I would have been okay with that more so than the way that you did react. But it really meant way more for the recovery the next day, to really be intentional about “Hey, you know what, I am proud of you. And you did do a good job and I know what you did and know how hard you work because again, honestly, and I’m sure I speak for a lot of people that are in my position in or in my spot you don’t you don’t get that very much. And there’s a lot of people out there that are in similar spots, business owners or whatever your position is. Like when you’re at the top there’s not a lot of people shedding praise on you.

Christina Lecuyer 

Yeah, Iove that so much and I think that there’s gonna be a lot of people that take a lot away from this podcast and I know that we could go on and on and on but I like to keep these relatively short and sweet. I know that you’ll be back because you live with me so I can actually force you to do this whenever the fuck I want. And I actually think… Did you like it? 

Nathan Salter 

Yeah, I did. I don’t like to share in microphones I got to get my own. 

Christina Lecuyer 

Oh my god and you’ll probably get like a fucking souped up version to your like, yours is shitty. I’m going to get the gold standard. 

Nathan Salter 

I want one with some sound effects and stuff. 

Christina Lecuyer 

Oh my god, that is my husband. You guys if you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to share it with someone who needs to hear it because we’re going to be talking about all the things and also to be sure to leave a comment about what you want us to talk about whether that is following me on social media and you want to leave us a comment about the next podcast that Nathan is going to be on and sharing all of his stories, whether it be about his business of real estate, us as a couple, or how fucking how much he absolutely loves himself, which I think all women can learn from because this man literally looks in the mirror every morning. What do you say? 

Nathan Salter 

Damn… got better looking again. 

Christina Lecuyer 

You guys, that is my husband. I loved it today. He makes me smile every single day. I’m so grateful for him and I hope you enjoy that Decide It’s Your Turn

Because I believe in you so much and want to hold you accountable for the commitment you make to yourself upon signing up for any of my programs, courses, or purchasing tickets to my events, I have a strict NO REFUND policy. 

 

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